Day 119

Much baby related news to share with you… But first, thanks to our friends at BabyCenter.com, I know that today (22 weeks) my baby is the length of a spaghetti squash. Here’s a tip: don’t Google spaghetti squash. Every image that comes back is a picture of a my-baby-sized yellow gourd being gutted. Gee, thanks BabyCenter.com for that image. Next time, why don’t you remind me how my baby’s entrails can be served up with angel hair pasta.

On to today’s post…

#1. We settled on a stroller/car-seat combination. We found a Right Start baby store near us that carries a much higher quality of stroller than you find in crummy ol’ Babies ‘R Us. (If you got your stroller from Babies ‘R Us, I apologize. Strike that. I don’t apologize. This is my blog, and if I want to be an unabashed stroller snob, I can. You and your chintzy stroller can suck it.*)

* This request doesn’t apply to family/friends; only to strangers for whom I have little empathy.

Bob Revolution 12" AW stroller

Anyway, where was I … Oh yes, so we found a nice store that had our favorite strollers on display for us to try out. And the winner is: THE BOB REVOLUTION 12″ ALL WHEEL!

Now, I won’t bore you by extolling its virtues… of which you can be assured there are MANY. But here were the top reasons why we chose it after comparing it in-person to the waaay overpriced Orbit and Bugaboo strollers.

i. Look at those freakin big ass 12″ rubber tires with steel spokes. None of that hard plastic shit you find on other models.

ii. A suspension system. Awww yeah.

iii. In my wife’s first try, she was able to collapse this thing and prop it back up with one hand. By far the easiest to open and close that we tested.

iv. Another couple was in the store with an Orbit, and I asked them how they liked it, “Heavy.” I went around lifting strollers. Bob Revolution was certainly lighter.

v. You can keep the car seat adapter on the stroller when it is collapsed. With the Bugaboo and others, you had to detach the car seat adapter before collapsing the stroller. Saves a step.

vi. It works with our favorite car seat, which is from Graco.

vii. Best of all… The stroller’s name is “Bob.”  I am SO ready to start using this name. “Honey, where’s Bob?” “Is Bob in the trunk?” I love naming inanimate objects.

So, there you have it. After 3 weeks of Googling non-stop, and trying out in-stores, we settled on Bob.

Seahawk cake at my baby shower

#2. While I was visiting my work this past week, they threw me a surprise baby shower. Photos to come soon. I was blown away. And I was a complete dork, because I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never been to a shower before. They made me wear bows on my head, and we played games. Everytime someone else won… I won baby gifts too. That’s my kind of contest. It was amazing. It was a tailgating themed party, so all the food was hot dogs and chili and dip and chips and wings… oh. So good. And the person even made a Seahawk shaped cake. Oh, and I got the DAMN CUTEST onesie I’ve ever seen: it’s a Seahawks jersey. So cute.

Oh, and to underscore my complete dorkiness… I hate opening gifts while people watch me. I love attention; but not that kind. My style of attention is making jokes under my breath in the back of class. I absolutely cannot stand people watching me open gifts. It is unnerving. Anyway, I’d open the gift, and look and it, and coo over it. And then put it in a pile. Well, everyone said, “Hold it up so we can see!” Oh. Right. I hadn’t realized. Apparently, someone was taking notes for me on what I was getting. Like I said, I felt like a complete dork. But, one of the best parties that has ever been thrown for me. Thanks, Peanut.

#3. We had another OB appt this morning. Alas, no photos to share with you. But, everything is progressing well. My wife is disappointed that her baby bump is not more obvious. She can’t wait for it to be like a basketball in front of her so a.) she can wear tight shirts to show of her baby belly, and b.) so strangers know with complete certainty that she is pregnant. I think she is frustrated that she doesn’t look pregnant yet, and in her words, “People just think I’m fat.”  Awww. Poor thing. The cool thing is, I can tell. And that’s all that matters, right? I’ve tried various tactics to cheer her up from this notion, ranging from, “What do you care what strangers think?” to “You’re pregnant. It’s like being on vacation. Get fat. Who cares. Eat whatever you want! Enjoy it.”  Neither seems to be the proper strategem. Advice welcomed.

Also at our OB appointment, we found that Peanut is already head down. The doctor said, “There’s little indication that your baby will stay that way.” But still, that’s a good sign. Peanut just has to hold that position for the next 4 months.

#4. In the last week, she has started feeling Peanut. I think that’s the “quickening.” (Highlander, anyone?) Which you think would be an amazing thing, but now, Peanut gets fidgety at bed time. I guess when you go from walking and sitting and standing and moving (which is basically rocking Peanut), to laying still, your baby is like, “Hey, c’mon. Start the ride back up!”

#5. We settled on a hospital. Los Alamitos. It’s not the closest hospital to us, but still only about 12-15 minutes away. If Peanut is high-risk or we expect any complications, the better hospital is right down the road from us, with a NICU and all that. But, since things seem to be smooth sailing (thus far), and since the closest hospital is … umm… hmm… [searching for proper way to phrase this]… in a less than ideal part of town… well, we decided to head towards another hospital.

So that’s all the baby news for the past two weeks. Oh, and we’ve narrowed down our name lists to 5-girl, and 4-boy. And no, we won’t tell you what they are.

Day 102

What is wrong with society that someone makes a $900 stroller/crib/car-seat travel system? And what is wrong with me that I really want it?

Last night was round 2 in our Registry Creation saga. I don’t have the actual data to support this next claim (as with most of my claims), but I’m pretty sure we’re averaging about 38.5 minutes per item. That’s got to be some kind of record, right?

And actually that number could go higher, because we still haven’t fully decided on a stroller/car-seat thing yet. And no, I’m not kidding about wanting that $900 one. The gadget freak in me loves the idea, but the practical person in me realizes that it may be a bit expensive for our means. But I’m torn — do I want it because it is $900? I mean, if it was $100, I probably wouldn’t have even given it the time of day. I guess that’s why we have ConsumerReports.org around, so we can wade through the mire of BS marketing and pricing, and find out the true value of the products. And to keep me from immediately being drawn to the most expensive item simply because… well… because it’s the most expensive item. (Expensive = best, right? Er… right? Hello? Is this thing on?)

The primary problem with Consumer Reports is they haven’t updated most of their baby ratings since April 2007, and sometimes they only rate a handful of items, which yields no indication as to the quality or efficacy of items they chose not to rate.

So this is where we’re at. The items that had a clear winner on Consumer Reports were swiftly added to our registry. But there are two groups of items that are posing trouble for us:

1.) Items that are not reviewed in Consumer Reports / not very current in Consumer Reports

2.) Items that we’ve decided to purchase, but that are not sold / available at Babies R’ Us.

In the case of #1, we’ve had to turn to other review sites… which are mostly based on user generated reviews. And there’s one thing I’m sure of: most of society is stupid. We’ve been using Amazon.com, since it seems to have the largest pool of products and the largest base of user reviews. The problem is, for each product, you’ll find 10 5-star ratings, and 10 1-star ratings. People are idiots. Some people give one star because their fat baby won’t fit. Yeah, like that’s my problem you don’t know how to properly breast feed your chubby cherub. Or some people give 5-stars and say, “I haven’t delivered yet, but I just know it’s going to be a great product.” Wait… so you haven’t even used it yet?

Or some reviews have nothing to do with the product at all. “Amazon.com took too long to ship, so I’m giving this product 1-star.”  One thing I appreciate is that Amazon.com shows you rankings for that category, and makes it easy for you to see how similar items ranked in that category. The problem is — what are these supposed rankings based on? More often than not, the bestselling item was the cheapest. So that really doesn’t help me. Or you have to be careful of the items that have 1 review of 5 star, vs. 150 reviews with an average of 3.8 stars. (Oh, and if you really want to have some fun, try searching Diaper Pails. Everyone simultaneously hates and loves every diaper pail product. “It stinks!” “It’s great.” “My kid knocks it over.” “My kid leaves it alone.” It’s almost as if for every unique human out there… there is a unique perspective. Weird. How come humans can’t be more like Borgs with one opinion on everything. Sigh. Don’t they realize all these nuanced opinions are driving me crazy. JUST TELL ME WHAT TO BUY DAMN YOU AMAZON.COM!)

So along with Amazon.com, we’ve found a few different sites to be useful when trying to get the widest cross-section of user opinions. (Walmart, Target, BabyEarth, About.com.) If you have any sites, please do suggest.

Long story short: It’s been difficult to get a clear consensus on nearly any product. There are some that are obviously unanimous winners no matter which site you check with, and those are going on our registry. But, this segues me to issue #2 above… some of our preferred products are not sold at Babies R’ Us. And, rather than compromise simply for registry purposes, we’ve decided to start a 2nd registry at Amazon.com.

Is that weird? Tell me that’s not weird. It’s modern, in a trendy kind of way, right? Not just computer geeky? Wait. Only tell me if you have something positive to say. Otherwise, I don’t want to know.

Better yet, just give us money, and I’ll go shopping for the cheapest price I can find on-line. That’s what I’d really like to do. Give me the money for what you want to buy me, and I’ll go find it with free shipping and free tax and the lowest price available. It’s a win win.

Except for my wife who vetoed that idea. She tells me her vote is worth more because she gets to count the baby’s vote too. Harumph!

Day 101

On Sunday, we began our journey of creating a baby registry. We woke up nice and early (well, that’s a relative term, innit?). With our Consumer Reports Newborn Necessities Checklist in arm, and spirits high, we strode into the local Babies R’ Us and started a new registry. A grueling 3 hours later, we trudged out, groggy, confused, and slightly bitter.

So what happened in that 3 hours that drained our will to register? Well for a normal couple… the event of registering you think would be enjoyable. A breeze. A lark, if you will.  But when I was faced with no-less-than eight varieties of bra inserts… how are we to know which one is the right choice? Or when staring at a phalanx of baby strollers… with a dizzying array of colors and features… I can’t trust my own judgement based on looks. I want, nay… require some type of independent, objective review of these items before I can grant them status on my exalted baby registry.

With that said, I fully realize that we were prisoners of our own device. Certainly had we been more care free, perhaps even trusting of each brand, we would have lifted a huge weight of our shoulders. But because of our need to investigate and research each product… the in-store registry experience was neither enjoyable nor efficient. As we would come to each item on our list, we would look at the many choices presented to us, turn to each other and agree, “Let’s research it when we get home.”  So we opted to delay about… oh… 85% of our list until we could get home and research opinions/reviews on-line. (More on that monkey’s paw in a second…)

In the end, we opted to populate our in-store registry only with those items that didn’t need much research (burping cloths don’t require much investigation), or items that needed to be witnessed firsthand (such as crib bedding “sets”).

Quick tangent: I didn’t even realize crib bedding “sets” existed, but they must because Babies R’ Us devotes an entire wall to ‘em, including blankets, sheets, crib ruffles. In fact, I remember looking at one item and asking, “What does this do?” It seemed to be just a color-coordinated block. She said, “That’s decoration for your wall.”  So apparently your baby not only requires a coordinated set (otherwise it makes the baby cry if the crib doesn’t have a matching dust ruffle?), but also coordinated artwork on the walls. Crazy. But, I digress.

While in-store, we also added many of the “necessity” items suggested in our Consumer Reports checklist. Warning: these are perhaps the most boring items ever devised on a baby registry… read with extreme caution and judiciousness. Items like: Infant Tylenol; Infant Nail Clippers; Petroleum Jelly. (The latter I don’t know why, but it was on the checklist, so we added it. Really though — is someone going to get us a jar of petroleum jelly as a baby shower gift? Hmmm.)

And the second cause of my registry ire that day… So here we are being our usual (overly) practical selves, while at the same time we were surrounded by throngs of other registry-creators who were going crazy with their scanning devices like it was a game of laser tag. “Ooh! Scan this.”  “Oh, scan that.”  “What’s it do?” “I don’t know. Scan it anyway.” Beep. Beep. Beep. It was an orgy of bar code scanners all around us, like crickets around a campfire. And there’s us, slowly and methodically looking at each product, debating which cotton swabs were better to add to our registry. “This one doesn’t explicitly say infant, but on the back they use the word baby in this paragraph…”

But the thing is, I can’t blame the other families. I can sit high atop my Caucasian soap box of indignity (white people love being offended by things)… but in reality, it’s all my own doing. The longer we were in the store, and the more I saw other families come and go, I was getting perturbed with myself, more than anyone else. My wife and I debated scanning “frivolous” items — “What will people think when they see a $90 forehead thermometer on our checklist. Will they think we’re being egregious? Better not scan it.” “Here, scan this $3 dollar baby medicine spoon-vial thing.” I made the whole registry process like 10x harder on myself than it needed to be.

Did we scan the baby wipe warmer? No. Did we scan the bottle warmer? No. Should we have? Hmm. Perhaps. (And we probably will in “Phase II of the registry process: Adding Stupid Shit We Don’t Really Need.”) As it turns out, what we had in hand was a true necessities checklist, as in, “This is what you need to have at home when you walk in the door with the baby.”  Whereas I guess a registry needs to have “sexier,” “giftier” items, like wipe warmers, and not practical items like, “Baby rash ointment.”

So that was our Sunday morning (and afternoon). I left frustrated. Frustrated that I spent 3 hours on just a few items. Frustrated that I am so anal that I turn a simple task like a baby registry into a 12 hour undertaking. And I freely admit this was my own doing. But most of all, frustrated that I missed most of the NFL division playoff game that morning. Look. I’m a lousy shopper. My limit is usually about an hour. So towards the end as I got more frustrated, I became snippier and had to apologize to my wife a couple times. I’m cranky and whiny when shopping goes on too long, and I credit my wife for putting up with me.

But we got home, watched some afternoon NFL football. Re-charged our batteries, and then sat down with the laptop, ConsumerReports.org, ratings and went to town on the rest of our Registry. Now this, I thought, this is how I love to shop. In private, which the sum knowledge of mankind at my fingertips. By the time I’m done, they will have built Rome in less time than it takes me to complete my Baby Registry.

Day 99

Today marks the 99th day since I found out my wife was pregnant. And the good news we received this week was that the last of my wife’s “sequential screening” tests came back with high flying colors. According to the test (which is a non-invasive alternative to amniocentisis and is 91% accurate), Peanut has a 1 in 10,000 chance of having a chromosomal disorder such as Down’s or Trisomy 18. So that’s good.

My wife had wanted us to wait until we created our baby registry, or went on our baby shopping spree until we knew with certainty that everything would work out. While part of her still kind of wants to do an amnio, I think she’s resigned to the fact that these odds are adequately in our favor. So full steam ahead! She’s ready to go baby-stuff shopping. (Oooh boy. Can’t wait.)  Although I’d prefer to shop online; she insists that she has to see the items in person. Which is going to ruin my plan of an entire online nursury.

That’s really all I have to tell you today.

Day 93

19¢ per diaper!!! Beat THAT!

Already I can predict what will be my downfall in this whole pregnancy-birth thing:

A.) My love of budgeting and using financial software.

B.) My love of shopping online for the best deals possible.

I freely admit. I’m a Quicken junkie. My wife and I keep every receipt from every purchase, and I put it into my financial software. Now, I’m not going to try and fool you into thinking I’m a “fun” or “interesting” person, because deep down I’m quite boring. But man do I love waking up each morning and putting receipts into Quicken, downloading my latest credit card transactions, and comparing our spending to our monthly budget for each category. I do this while my wife sleeps. It’s sort of my “me time.” (Look, quit judging me. If I want to spend ME time on balancing my checkbook, then so be it.) In fact, one of my perverse pleasures is checking all of our loan accounts (school, home, car) and making sure that I’ve properly categorized the priniciple vs. interest amounts, down to the exact cent. I don’t know if it’s the German in me, but there’s something oddly satisfying about that precision.

Okay, so now you know the level of my sickness. But that’s not the point of this blog entry. My main concern right now is: how do I categorize all of these baby purchases, now and in the future? We’re going to be spending thousands of dollars, and my brain won’t let me do that until I can figure out how to properly categorize and budget it. My issue isn’t, “Should we buy these items?”  Rather, it’s, “When we buy them, how shall I categorize them so it doesn’t jack up my monthly budget.” Example: when it comes time to buy diapers, usually you buy those at the grocery store. So when I enter the grocery store receipt into Quicken, I’m going to have to raise my budget for “Grociers & Toiletries,” which also means I’m going to have to lower my budget somewhere else. And by how much?

So that’s my problem. There are going to be thousands of dollars in one-time purchases, which I can’t budget for monthly, because we’ll never buy them again. (Cribs, changing tables, diaper pals, crib mattresses, waterproof liners, mattress pads, diaper bag, baby sleeping outfits, baby clothes, etc.) And conversely, there are going to be recurring monthly expenses (diapers, wipes, beer) that I will need to absorb into our budget. And if we can start setting it aside now, we can get used to having less money available for other discretionary spending. (I.e., we’re going to have to trim some fat out of our “Meals & Entertainment” budget, and our monthly allowance budget.)

To tackle this issue, I’ve been Googling things like “How much is this baby going to cost me monthly?” Holy crap. There are a lot of things to buy. I printed out a “Newborn necessities checklist” from Consumer Reports. There were 56… FIFTY SIX items on that list. And about a third of the items listed mutliple quantities, which really brings the total closer to 100 items.

Oh sure, a regular person might be daunted by this task. But not a super computer geek like me. Rather than shirking away from the list, my goal is to buy every item on here, and to buy it at the damn lowest price possible — which usually means online: no tax and no shipping, thank you very much.

And lest you think I’m going for the cheap stuff — no, no. Far from it. Here’s what I do: for each category, I find the highest rated items at ConsumerReports.org, and then I go shopping for that item online. I tell you this so you don’t think I’m going to wrap my baby in some off-brand, loose-fitting, leaky diaper just so I can save 3¢ per diaper. Or that I’m going to put my baby in some shoddily-made cardboard crib bought on the Chinese black market. No no no. I want the best stuff — just as the best prices possible. Is that so wrong?

One thing I will point out: stores like Target andWalmart are very enticing. There used to be a time where you could get the best deals online, or at Costco (but you have to buy in bulk). Frequently, we find Target has better prices even in smaller packaging than I can find at Costco, and often only a few dollars more than the lowest online price. So for all of the hours I spend searching to save $1.48 on a 216 count of diapers, I could have probably driven to my local Target, and purchased the same item for $3.95 more, and had that free time to go do something I enjoy. (Although, shopping online for the lowest prices is what I would do if I had free time, so I guess that’s it’s kind of a win-win.)

And here’s level 2 of my depravity. If I could, I would buy everything possible online, for free tax and free shipping. (Unless I lived in a state that didn’t charge tax. Sigh.) For example, if you buy a 216 count of Pampers Swaddlers (size 1) diapers, you can find them online for as low as 19¢ per diaper. And with Diapers.com, I can get free shipping and no tax. SWEET! And this is how I fill my time, sadly. I’ve spent the past few mornings (during “ME” time), Googling the best deals possible for cribs, diapers, diaper pails, etc. I don’t know if this is a realistic goal, but is it possible to make this a complete on-line baby nursery? Can I buy everything possible from an online source? My right-click mouse finger is giddy at the notion.

Day 92

Peanut in 3D!

This is a continuation of yesterday’s post. I had so much to tell you, I wanted to give you a break. (This isn’t a Gabriel Garcia Marquez book after all.*)

*Autumn of the Patriarch. Look it up.

So as you can see by the eerie photo to the right: our OB at yesterday’s appointment also gave us a “3D” Sonogram of Peanut. It’s not a true 3D image, but reconstructed from a series of 2D slices. Anyway, there you go. Make of it what you will. I think it looks like a cross between Casper the Friendly Ghost and the remains of Tutenkamen.

Yesterday when my wife laid down on the exam table, was the first time I actually noticed a little baby bump. When she stands up, it’s hard to see, but when she was laying down, I could clearly see it. That was exciting. And it also happened to be the area where the doctor was performing the sonogram. (So that proves  or doctor knows what he’s doing — if he had starting taking an ultrasound of her ear, I would have been worried.)

As he pressed with the transducer (look at me all fancy with ultrasound terminology), I could see Peanut moving for the first time. And boy oh boy– let me tell you — Peanut was squirming like a mad man (or mad woman). Definitely did not like getting pressed against. You could clearly see Peanut wiggling and squirming his/her feet around. It was so cute. I asked my wife if she felt it, and she didn’t — but she also admitted she doesn’t know what it should feel like, so she’s not sure if she felt it or not.

Before the doctor performed the OB, he asked us if we wanted to know the sex. We said emphatically, “NO”. We want to be surprised. So he made a big note in the chart so he wouldn’t accidentally give it away.

And of course — what is the first thing we go and do during the sonogram? Search for a penis. The doctor goes through each section of the baby to make sure things are developing as they should. (We could see two brain lobes!) Then he checks the chest and looks for… well… I’m not sure… things babies should have; which it turns out Peanut has. Along the way he also showed us the umbilical cord, which was all twisty and umblically. And then he was looking down around the pelvis and we’re not sure… but we each (independently without conferring with each other) think we may have seen a tiny wee wee. (Or was it just part of the umblicical cord?) My brother-in-law, who already had his first and is working on #2, says, “Everybody thinks they see a penis.” Which may be true. Because there was nothing definitive, just a blob on the screen. So who knows. I still think it’s a girl. My wife still thinks it’s a boy.

(PS- You know when mothers tell you, “Oh, I just knew what my baby’s sex was. I just knew it. I don’t know how, but I did.” Yeah, well, c’mon. You had a 50/50 chance. For every woman who “just knew it,” I’m sure there’s another woman who is keeping her mouth shut because she was wrong. Maybe I’m not all mushy about the miracle of life, but I think some moms-to-be go overboard in hyperbolizing their maternal instincts. Honestly, you didn’t KNOW, not in the sense that you can KNOW if God exists, for example. Sure, you had a hunch, but it was 50/50. Really, I’m not impressed. Anyway, my wife assures me she won’t do that. Which doesn’t preclude us from each having our hunch, but we’re not hubristic enough to boldly proclaim, “We know the sex of the baby” or “we knew it all along.” Of course, if Peanut is a boy, I’m sure she’ll remind me of that.)

Last bit of news from yesterday’s exam… My wife had her blood drawn for the second part of the sequential screening process. In her first trimester, the screening came back with normal risk levels. Now we see if the second test also comes back within normal levels to know if we need further testing. The whole point of the sequential screening process is to see if you need to go on for invasive testing (i.e., an amniocentisis). And it is 91% accurate at detecting chromosomal abnormalities, whereas an amnio is 99%. Her risk was like 1 in 2500 or something. Which is excellent. So, as long as the second test returns with similar good news, then we should be able to avoid an amnio. I know my wife would like to have a definitive answer, but at 91% — that’s pretty darn good. And I think she is accepting that is about as good as an answer as you can get. Plus, coupled with her risk being so low, I think all signs indicate that an amnio would be unnecessary — especially since the complication risk due to amnio has been estimated at 1 in 200 to 1 in 1000, depending on which study you want to believe.

Long story short: Cross your fingers and toes and hope all goes well.

Day 91: The kinda’ post you’ve patiently waited for

Oh boy, this blog entry is going to be huge. It’s chock full of so much goodness, you would need 8 bowls of your regular blog to match the bloggy goodness you will get in one Papi Nuevo entry.

Peanut 18 weeks 01/02/2009

Oooh, where to begin. Let’s start with… NEW PICTURES! (Because let’s be honest– that’s the first thing your eye went to, so let’s just get it out of the way.)  To the right is a picture of Peanut, at (roughly) 18 weeks. Keep in mind this is a slice of Peanut that you’re looking at– imagine if Peanut was cut clean in half. (So that’s why there’s no arms or feet — at least I hope.) Man, look at that spine. Creepy. But the doctor assured me that a spine was — apparently — a good thing, so at least I know we’re having a vertebrate and not a zooplankton baby. (Invertebrate jokes!!! Yes!!! See, this entry is only 2 paragraphs old, and I’m bringing the A material.)

My wife hasn’t felt any movement yet, and she’s nearly 18 weeks along. The doctor said that’s normal, and that most first time mothers don’t experience movement until week 20, on average. I guess mom’s who have had babies before start to feel movement around week 18. (I guess when you’re a first time mom, you assume it’s gas?) By the way, they have a name for this: quickening. Now, call me crazy (“crazy”), but I thought that was a Highlander movie. (When you cut off the head of an Immortal and all the power transfers to you, thank YOU very much Christopher Lambert.) I wonder which use of the word came first? Hmm. I feel like someone at EMI Films should’ve thought that through a little better.*

*PS – For that brief tangent, I did a quick IMDB.com lookup of the “Highlander” movie series… EMI Films… wow. What a powerhouse production company. Their last few films consist of, “Culture Club: Greatest Hits”, Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em: The Movie (1990), and not only “Evil Under the Sun” (1982), but also the award winning “Making of ‘Evil Under the Sun’” (1982). Spectacular. Can I just take a brief moment to tell you how tickled I am by the suffix “The Movie” after “Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em.”  You know, so you don’t confuse it with “Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em: The Video Game” or “Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em: The Parcel Post Letter with Signature Confirmation.”  I think more films should add “: The Movie” after the title, to make it sound more venerable. “Schindler’s List: The Movie”… so you don’t get confused and think you’re going to watch a 3 hour pan across an actual list. (Did I just make a Schindler’s List reference? WOW.)

Anyway, back to Peanut’s picture. As you know, 18 weeks is sort of a guesstimate. In the lower right corner of the pic there are 3 different EDDs (Estimated Delivery Dates?) based on a few different measurements. LMP = last menstrual period, and by that the date of birth is still estimated to be 06/04/2009. AC = Abdominal Circumference, and by that measurement, the EDD is 06-07-2009. (Which I think was also the EDD in the last picture we had a month ago when they did the CRL or “Crown to Rump Length” measurement.) Which is somewhat of a relief, because I come from a hearty stock of people; how do you say… people with a healthy “AC.” Not that I expected my fetus to be shaped like a Turnip… but I’m just relieved that the sonogram estimate didn’t assume my baby was due next month, that’s all I’m trying to say. And finally, the FL (Femur Length) indicates a delivery date of 05-28-2009. (But they all have an error factor of about +/- 12 days, so the FL could still indicate a baby in the first week.) Although it’s kind of exciting to think that Peanut is already “tall for his/her age.”(Yeah yeah, I know — there’s probably no correlation between FL and actual heighth of the baby as an adult, but still… a guy can dream can’t he?)

By the way, the sonogram we got back in June that estimated June 7th as the delivery date said it had a 3% margin of error, I think. So that’s the date I’m sticking with. But a pool will be starting shortly.

Fetus Food Equivolent o’ The Week: This week, BabyCenter.com tells me that Peanut is the length of a bell pepper. Now when I have fajitas, all I will think about is eating babies. Wonderful job, BabyCenter.com.

Lesson Learned this week: Trying to go toe-to-toe with a pregnant woman on meals is a bad idea. (I don’t want to increase my AC.) We went to a drive-thru donut stand the other day and ordered 1 old fashioned. I was a good boy and did not get anything. But damn, that’s really hard to do. And I can’t pretend to be all pious — because I had about 1/4 of the donut anyway. When I eat with my wife I call it solidarity, when I choose not to, I call it will power. It’s a win win really.

House update of the week: Two updates regarding the house. #1, we had a pest control guy come out, but since we don’t have an attic (only a 12″ crawl space), and since we don’t have access to said crawl space, he couldn’t do anything. But he did make some recommendations about covering gutter spouts, pruning our palm trees, and wrapping some sheet metal towards the base of the palm tree trunk. (So the rat can’t climb the palm tree.) So we went to home depot and picked up all that stuff. And while there, we also found an electronic rodent thing-a-ma-jiggy. You plug it into your wall, and it apparently sends a signal or buzzing or something through your house’s electrical wires that annoys rodents. The good news is — we haven’t heard from the rat in the past 4 nights. So either we’re sleeping more soundly (that’s not it), or the fixes we put in place worked.

House Update #2: I’m happy to report I did my math wrong, and we may still qualify for the Hope 4 Homeowners act. So I’m going to start the ball rolling on that and see how far we get. We may end up not qualifying — because we’re not really down on our luck — but boy oh boy would that be sweet if we did. I would happily walk away and move up to Portland near other family. But, I don’t want to get my hopes up, so I’ll reserve excitement until we know more.

We also spent the past few days looking up houses online near Portland. (Well, about 30 minutes outside of Portland, in the same town as my brother-and-sister-in-law.) On the surface, I tell my wife, “Why do you do that to yourself? You know we can’t move yet.” It’s like the debate between Red (Morgan Freeman) and Andy (Tim Robbins) about whether hope was a good thing or not. “Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.” But, between you and me and the 3 billion people on this planet who have access to this blog, I enjoy it. It’s fun to dream of owning a new place. As Andy writes back to Red, “Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

Random Reflection on Life o’ the week: It’s weird to be an adult and think to yourself, “I want a new house.” And really, there’s nothing stopping you from doing that. (Well, assuming you aren’t trapped in a cruddy mortgage like we are.)  Or similarly, “I want a new car.” And boom. You can go out and finance one. That is still weird to me. Every day I decide to wake up and put on pants. And just like that, I can wake up and make a life-altering decision like, “Let’s buy a house.” I guess I’ve been an adult for awhile, but that concept still feels foreign to me. As I sit here and type, it’s strange to look around and think, “Holy crap. This is all on me. If I lose my job or something happens… this all comes crashing down.” Sort of a “flying without a safety net or parents to fall back on.” I feel like I just aged a wee bit from I was when I started typing this paragraph. Hmm.