Days pregnant: 56 U.S., 42 Europe
With apologies to David Bowie for today’s blog title.
Since I’ve been writing my daily thoughts for a few weeks now, one of the themes that has emerged is, “How will having a baby change me?” Not in the physical sense of, “Oh, you’re going to be more tired, get more gray hair, etc.” But I mean, how will it change my perspective on life. Yesterday’s blog about cleaning got me thinking. Will I suddenly feel maternally connected to my domicile? Will I become Mr. Fix-it? Right now, honestly, I procrastinate doing chores—I’m not a fan of watering the backyard and don’t do it as often as I should; I rarely pick up a broom and only do it when the feeling of walking on crumbs gets too much for even me. And I hate folding laundry and putting away my clothes.
In a previous post I noted that I have a highly developed sense of sarcasm (translation: I’m jaded). Nothing is sacred or off-limits when joking. So again I ask, “Will these attitudes change once I have a baby?” And believe you me, if they do—I wouldn’t mind. That’s one area in which I’m envious of my wife. She is super compassionate, highly emphatetic, and refuses to make mean jokes about anyone or anything. I wouldn’t mind if having a baby helped to shift me more towards her perspective on life.
I hope so. This reminds me of the first time I ever felt that instinct kick-in: Sometime in early 2000s, my wife and I were river rafting up north of Vancouver, B.C. The rivers were flowing hard that day, and long story short: the inflatable raft capsized and we were heading straight for some rocks. I’ve river rafted about a dozen times in my life, and this was one of the nastiest places to capsize I’ve ever encountered. And the thing is—as soon as I emerged from the water, my only thought was to find my wife. (At the time my girlfriend.) I remember being focused on that, and protecting her from the cliff wall we were heading towards.
Now, I’m not telling you this to elicit your sympathetic, “Aaaaawwww, that’s so sweet.” I’m telling you this because I hope that type of determination and focus kicks in more when I have a child. Trust me, I could use a healthy dosage of being less selfish.
One of my biggest concerns about myself is that my child will be a toddler, and I’ll want to check my email or do something on the internet, and I’ll put off playing with my child in favor of doing whatever task I wanted to do. Sort of like the song, “Cat’s in the Cradle.” I wonder what kind of parent will I be – will I be able to strike the balance between doting, attentive father, and still keeping time to do the things I want?
Whoa. This blog ended up being waaaay to introspective. I apologize. That won’t happen again.
Posted by Manchild 